WARNING: This is not to be taken that seriously. All of this is true (ish), though.
At 3:04 PM, on the 8th of May, Kevin Tan of Team 6A made an incredible breakthrough. He achieved 150 hours of practice on the mathematics learning program, IXL.
“WOOOOO!” Kevin shouted on the moment of achievement. “LET’S GO!” This was an amazing moment for Tan, after spending over 6 whole days on IXL (Not in a row). Remember that Kevin is a 6th grader, so he only had one and a half years to do this. And in that time, he answered 28,080 questions!
Tan’s achievement has been long awaited by Mr. Carangi’s 6th grade advanced math and homeroom class. It has been called ‘The best thing that has ever happened ever in Welsh Valley 6th grade history’ (By us) and ‘a true marvel of Kevin’s smartness’ (Again by us). Kevin’s peers, Finn DiAngelo, and his cello buddy and peer, (not to mention co-writer of this article) Ella Scott, are working together to get Kevin a custom-made IXL Stanley (picture included above).
This Stanley has been a dream of Kevin’s for years (aka since we told him we were going to do it and he said ‘I don’t want that’ and we got mad.) The Stanley will be 14-ounce, with a silver IXL brand logo on it, and you can vote what color it should be!
Now, we feel that not even a custom-made Stanley can truly encompass all of Kevin’s ‘smartness’, as quoted above, so we decided to email the director of IXL to share with them Tan’s achievements. So, we emailed their CEO, Paul Mishkin.
Now, to try and get the inside scoop about Kevin’s IXL Stanley plans, Ella interviewed Finn Diangelo, the one who came up with the Stanley idea in the first place.
E: Why did you decide to get an ‘IXL Stanley’?
F: I made the promise that I would get it for him.
E: How did you react when you realized Kevin got 150 hours?
F: I was very excited.
E: What do you want our viewers to know about this achievement?
F: I’m not sure.
Simple answers, for such an amazing person.
This led us to interviewing the man, the legend, Kevin himself.
E: What did you think when you noticed that you got 150 hours?
K: I did it.
E: Are you excited for the IXL Stanley to be gifted to you?
K: I don’t even like Stanleys, so I really don’t care.
E: Is there anything you want your viewers to know?
K: I am probably addicted to IXL.
In conclusion, Kevin’s accomplishments were groundbreaking, incredible, and worthy of an award from Stanley 1913, the CEO of IXL, and the Newspaper Club. We hope that these achievements will inspire future generations of IXLers for years to come.
PS. Since this article has been written, Kevin has gotten all the skills in 6th grade.
As you can see, this is proof that people have been gifted things by IXL in the past. Kevin calls 100 math skills mastered ‘child’s play.’ He has 750 skills!
